Here I Go! How To Fall from Grace

I'm so anxious to get started that I'm actually trying to write while watching American Idol! Goody, a commercial...... so what to begin with. Why not the Present? I can always go backwards later.

Well, one of the issues on my mind all the time these days is how so many of us baby boomers have fallen from grace.....economically. Yes, yes, even here in Canada, we have all been affected. Sad to say, I am a perfect living example. Up until August, 2004, I had a 25 year old business, all my own, that I had given birth to in 1979. And then poof, it was all gone! Much more about that in another blog. The point is I went from making oodles of money, and enjoying a sweet lifestyle to being concerned about money all the time. Consider the following: the year before I lost my business, I bought my first home. We hung on to it for 3 more years. My marriage nearly fell apart; the contractor sued me, costing me a fortune. In the end, we both walked away, and the lawyers laughed all the way to the bank. Finally, in 2007, we decided to sell. It was an experience that lasted 6 months, through the Fall and Winter, with real estate agents, showings, open houses, constantly scouring the house, and an offer at the end that saw the light of day. We were very lucky. I had upgraded the house when I took possession, and we made back all of that investment. BUT.... we had huge credit card debt and a line of credit, and legal fees to pay off, and that left us with very, very little.

We now live in a rented house. I'm not ready for condo living. I still want to walk outside into my own backyard and sit on a swing or feel the grass under my feet. The rent is cheaper than my mortgage was, and we're not responsible for repairs, etc. We're so much happier here even though we struggle everyday to pay our bills. And that 'happy' factor is worth the struggle and more.

So besides selling our home, I've given up my golf membership; I color my own hair and do my own manicures and pedicures (when I find the time). Of course I clean the house myself. I haven't had a holiday since 2002. We rent movies now, and food shop as frugally as possible. Walmart is now my major shopping outlet. I haven't bought new clothes in years. I hate going to the mailbox (at the end of our street), because I expect another bill to be lurking in there.

The worst part is I worry all the time. Some days I even have panic attacks. Our income is not stable. Some days are great, some are average, some are poor, and some days there is nothing.
And so I worry. I worry about how much we spend on food; how far we drive the car to go anywhere because of the rising price of gas; I worry about getting sick, about taking better care of myself. I worry about my husband and how hard he constantly pushes himself to provide for us.

He had a heart attack this past August. It's not even one year yet. My husband is not yet a Landed Resident (a long story for another post down the road), and therefore isn't eligible for OHIP: the Ontario Health Insurance Plan. There were Emergency Room services; the hospital room, tests, emergency surgery (angiogram followed by an angioplast), the cardiologist on call, the cardiac surgeon, and ongoing medication. All over again, we were beset with bills. To all my American readers, I understand. For the first time, medical expenses were something we had to worry about and pay for, with credit. If I had suffered the heart attack, instead of him, everything, except the ongoing heart medication, would have been paid for automatically by OHIP!

This business of worrying all the time is what scares me the most. Because I just don't see it ending. My husband keeps telling me that we're going to be alright, and I believe that if we just keep plodding away, everyday, something good is going to happen.

All I want to be is safe and secure. That's all. I don't think of luxury. I think of being able to pay our bills. That's it.

I know there are millions of people in Africa and 3 blocks from me, who are much worse off than we are. But this blog is about me, a babyboomer, who is no longer part of that smug middle class. This is my personal story of failure, loss, and starting over. Everything is relative in life, so please don't be too quick to judge me.