Adaptability: Part Two: Working from Home

Falling from Grace.... The loss of my school and how I've adapted.

I remember a million instances when I would meet someone, anyone, and the inevitable question was waiting: "....and what do you do? "Oh, I'm the Principal and Owner of a private Montessori school. " We all know that anyone or anything associated with Education is impressive, and so, people responded impressively. Honestly, I never felt the pride I should have, not ever. For me, the 25 history I had with my school, from inception to demise, was one day at a time. It was difficult for me to ever stand back from it, and see it with the proper perspective it deserved. Or even appreciate what I had accomplished. In truth, I always deferred to my staff, a wonderful group of teachers who directed the teaching in my school. In my thinking, were it not for them, there would be no school. I know that's not entirely true. I hired them, after all. And I interviewed the parents at that first crucial meeting, and I designed the layout of my school, incorporating warmth and character into its very walls. And I did this, and I did that.

Unlike so many other career-oriented people, I never identified myself with the school, at least not to the point where I actually fell apart when the doors closed. All the things I should have missed, I didn't. Not the children's voices, not the weekly teacher meetings; not the holiday programs and not the scheduling and programming. In a way, this must sound so callous on my part. But I haven't forgotten any of it. I just have chosen not to miss it.

I'll never have it again. It's gone. What's the point of ruminating about what I would have done, given another chance. The past is the past, and cannot be re-done. Of course, I learned valuable life lessons: don't take for granted something it took the better part of 25 years to build; don't sit on your laurels; don't entrust or trust anyone with too much information; don't try to escape when there are issues to be dealt with.

Four years later, I now work from home and very closely with my husband. We are together 24/7. We are not a well-oiled machine, not by a long shot. How could we be: he is Italian, and I'm a Canadian. He is a Leo and I'm a Saggitarian. He is an Aerospace Engineer by profession and I am a teacher (at heart). He is a control freak and I question everything. I am in love with the English language, and he still struggles to pronounce many words. The list goes on and on, but I'll save all that for another post dedicated to him.

Slowly and surely, he has taught me everything I now know about computers, beyond sending e-mails or composing word documents. The Internet has become my second home. Not a home away from home, but a home inside a home. What could be cozier?

There is always something new to be learned and then put into practice. This blog, for instance, being brand new, is just waiting to introduce me to new lessons and skills. So now, when someone asks me what I do, my response is: I'm in E-Commerce. Who would have thought?

Adapting to this new career has had more ups than downs, I'm happy to say. Who wouldn't enjoy going to work in their bathrobe? Or not having to deal with bad weather and traffic jams? Or taking a break with no guilt? Better than all that is not having to deal with everyone else's human condition. Yes, I admit it, I am a loner. I enjoy my own company and I know how to amuse myself, and I like being responsible for me and me alone...... so to speak.

Sometimes I am an equal partner; sometimes just the soldier, rarely the boss, and I don't mind. I was the boss for so long, that taking a step backwards is almost joyful. Let someone else make the decisions that guide our life, for a change. It's fine with me!

What is difficult though, is finding time to run the house. I sometimes think that if I had had children, time management would have been simplified years ago: a mother learns to get up early, make the breakfast, pack the lunches, feed the baby, clean the house, etc., etc., on a very tight, precise schedule, an ability that I have never had to embrace. Even with the school, in the later years, I set my own schedules, avoiding early mornings appointments if I could; leaving early to play golf. It's tough working at my desk when there is laundry, cooking, cleaning and shopping to be done. So my breaks become my housework time, and all is reconciled.

One huge downer is that we don't make one eighth of the money together that I used to earn alone. That's hard to adapt to. When your career pays well, you don't have to think about a blessed thing. There is more than enough to go around. You just don't have to worry. Bills are paid the minute they show up; the Sub Zero is filled to capacity with anything you want to eat; holidays are planned and taken; window shopping is for everyone else and that wonderful, wonderful sense of financial security sends you off to sleep with a peaceful smile on your face.

This new career is fraught with stress. I am now responsible for half the worry for one half of one eighth of an income! Bills now wait for their due date; the fridge is filled with essentials only and our holidays are window shopping! And I look forward to tossing and turning every night, waiting for sleep to overcome me. But there is no escape, no running away to play golf. The uncertainty is non-stop, always there.

I have found that when money is scarce, you work harder, because that is the only thing you can do. You work harder, and have faith that it has to pay off, soon, eventually, whenever. It's so important not to panic. Worry yes, but not panic. Panic paralyzes everything that you need: resourcefulness, creativity, energy and hope.

Worry can kill a married couple working together day and night. Especially when one of you is Italian and highly emotional. So it's up to me to constantly keep the worry inside. When I do let it out, it never goes well, and usually escalates into a very heated argument.

Beyond the mental anguish, though, I've learned to take second seat, and give my husband the limelight he deserves and delights in. He really is so much more inventive than I am, and when his ideas see fruition and some money coming in, we both rejoice equally. Before we began working together, I never really realized how brilliant or even how ambitious he was. I am so proud of what we are doing together: him and I, husband and wife, boss and soldier (ha,ha). More than anything else, we have a new-found sense of respect and admiration for one another. It's forged our relationship in ways I would have never expected. In the end, we are stronger for our worry, and that is a good thing!